tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34556552011-04-21T23:13:41.168Zaudi olympicsgrabcopy@hotmail.comNigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comBlogger4171100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1080856211637588962004-04-01T21:50:00.000Z2004-04-01T21:52:49.420ZGoodbye
Guess this is a formal sign-off. Thought I could carry on posting ad-hoc, but that's just pussyfooting around, isn't it?
My freelance writing is going well, and blogging would have been a major distraction. It's one thing to do it on an employer's time; quite another to do it on your own.
I'll keep the archives up, as much for my interest as anything else. Thanks for reading, and, to Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1079460424002069942004-03-16T18:07:00.000Z2004-03-17T13:45:57.606ZNotworking
When you become self-employed, you will find yourself spending hundreds of pounds joining business networking groups. However, your gullible nature will take over, you won't sell a bean, and you will buy a pension, a partially completed house extension for next door, a rectal-irrigation kit, a pick-up truck made entirely from sugar and a velvet rabbit.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1079340236443673142004-03-15T08:43:00.000Z2004-03-15T08:46:16.793ZThe inner game
Since you started reading Timothy Gallwey’s Inner Game of Tennis, with its postulate of Self 1, the deliverer of critical judgement, and Self 2, the natural flow of physical function, you will begin to understand how conflict between the two - the id and the alterego - can impair mental focus and physical delivery. However, you will go on to discover a Self 3, who can’t be arsed Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1077708251728096932004-02-25T11:24:00.000Z2004-02-25T16:39:51.483ZSmoking and driving: incident 3 of 3
When you had a spell in your life when, for some reason, you smoked small cigars, you should not smoke and drive. What will happen is that you will decide to drive from Slough to Dundee for a job interview, a distance of 475 miles, all in one go. Somewhere on the M6 near Lancaster, you will begin to nod off. Aware of the rejuvenating properties of Hamlet Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-107761248356905782004-02-24T08:48:00.000Z2004-02-24T08:52:05.576ZSmoking and driving: incident 2 of 3
When you had a spell in your life when, for some reason, you smoked small cigars, you should not smoke and drive. What will happen is that you will finish your cigar, you will wind down your window and eject the small stub (I know, I know - I wouldn't do this now). You will then become curious at the strange hand signals and frantic motioning of other Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1077537765094191552004-02-23T12:02:00.000Z2004-02-23T12:05:35.043ZSmoking and driving: incident 1 of 3
When you had a spell in your life when, for some reason, you smoked small cigars, you should not smoke and drive. What will happen is that, one day, you will place your pack of cigars beyond the steering wheel, in front of the speedo. What will then happen is that, when you turn a corner, you will reach for your cigars through your spoked steering wheel. WhenNigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1077009230018605632004-02-17T09:13:00.000Z2004-02-17T09:44:49.843ZWorld's most stupid mammal competition
When you decide to put up two coat hooks on a small alcove wall just inside your infant son's bedroom, parallel to the door, unimaginable mayhem will result. You will decide that the best way of securing the hooks is No-nails glue. You will then try to ensure that the glue fixes OK by applying some compression. For this exercise, you will choose a large Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1076422716182773622004-02-10T14:18:00.000Z2004-02-11T11:13:10.216ZPosthumous linkage
Am proud to have been linked, posthumously (on both sides, I think), by the world-acclaimed Troubled Diva.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1076187818472694852004-02-07T21:03:00.000Z2004-02-09T15:01:28.936ZNew links
The following people have kindly blogrolled me, bringing the grand total to just one short of about 112:
Trusty Skunk from Tittybiscuit.
Minky Twiplet from Room 101.
Yunka Flagg from Tokyo Times.
Odin Thorg from Hello Yvetty.
And, finally, the Spode sisters: Nunka and Diane Modahl.
There were one or two others, but they got bored with my lack of blogging. But I won't say who they are.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1075820755247747322004-02-03T15:05:00.000Z2004-02-03T15:07:35.310ZHear and there
When you are invited to a briefing by a new client in Walsall, boarding an aeroplane bound for Poland might suggest that your hearing is suboptimal.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1075712220041866522004-02-02T08:57:00.000Z2004-02-02T08:58:38.950ZBlind faith
When you are invited to a Christening by some people you barely know, your immense joy at the salvation of the newborn child, at the unconditional love of the baptism, and at the outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace, as ordained by the Book of Common Prayer, will remain undiluted by the sudden realisation that you are in completely the wrong church.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1075553091529328142004-01-31T12:44:00.000Z2004-01-31T12:46:28.106ZTea
Me: [points to wife's mug of tea on coffee table]: See that? It's not my cup of tea.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1073570832705030992004-01-08T14:07:00.000Z2004-01-08T14:09:26.593ZAudi Man is still having a break from blogging.
However...
Your faith in the brilliance of the local Business Link advice service will be shaken when the small, bespectacled advisor with the dramatic facial tic asks "...the World Wide what?"Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1073292180049977122004-01-05T08:43:00.000Z2004-01-05T11:20:22.746ZAudi Man is having a break from blogging.
However…
When you are gripped by a sort of paranormal hyperterror at the prospect of your forthcoming vasectomy, your fears will not be allayed when a letter arrives from the hospital explaining that ‘an appointment has been arranged for you with our consultant, Miss Blades’.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1072879716158456442003-12-31T14:08:00.000Z2003-12-31T14:59:52.140ZRepeats: Rooftop fire heroes
22/08/03
Reward for rooftop fire heroes
Shy heroes who watched intently as a young boy with smoke-filled trousers leapt to his death from a rooftop have said it was bloody lucky that nobody got more seriously hurt.
Wool engineers Rob Chog and Denny Rubbings were today being hailed as heroes for their selfless observational skills. They saw 11-year-old Ritchie Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1072796927025618092003-12-30T15:08:00.000Z2003-12-30T15:09:52.340ZFive-way tie for 100th link
The much-hyped 100th-blogroller comp for this site has left me clinically confused. Too many contenders emerged at once. It is, therefore, my pleasure to announce that the following five, very worthy, blogs will all share the honour and the first prize, which is half a bar mitzvah:
Driffard Prunt (Brittle Lemon)
Chebley Nuttock (Straight from the Horse's Mouth)
Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1072715932365533012003-12-29T16:38:00.000Z2003-12-29T16:39:56.466ZMore repeats: Gregorianranting
20/01/03.
Mad Irish ranter baffles Audiville editor
An Irish former mental patient* and chicken-fancier has got an Audiville editor baffled with the success of a weblog that defies universal logic. Nigel Graber is beginning to question his sanity over Gregory Daly’s site. Gregorianranting, whose author has published several hammer-horror novels based loosely on Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1072618762842354222003-12-28T13:39:00.000Z2003-12-28T13:40:25.826ZMore repeats
28/08/03, this one.
Taxing new laws for taxi drivers
A controversial Audiville councillor has denied that new rules governing entry to taxi-driving in the town are too tough. Existing drivers, who, from Monday, will have to speak six European languages and have graduated cum laude from the Sorbonne University, have been given only nine days to gain the relevant qualifications or Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1072231558799493252003-12-24T02:05:00.000Z2003-12-24T02:08:36.436ZMore Xmas classics from Audi Man
Little-known medical conditions: shared-bowel syndrome
First published 04/03/03.
Your questions answered
What is shared-bowel syndrome (SBS)?
Shared-bowel syndrome is characterised by two people sharing one set of bowels.
How do I know if someone is sharing my bowels?
Try turning round quickly, or shouting “Is that you, Gwendoline?” Try to come to some kind Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1072177484724597772003-12-23T11:04:00.000Z2003-12-23T11:10:19.153ZMore Audi classics
These posts from 27 and 28/02/03.
True tales of Audiville Lotto winners
Alan Jazzmags
A few days after Alan Jazzmags, 62, and his wife checked their selections, married them up with the official winning numbers, and then received a confirmatory phone call, Alan had an eerie, almost inexplicable feeling that he'd won the Audiville Lotto.
The Jazzmags’ immediate family, Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1072108515253505012003-12-22T15:55:00.000Z2003-12-22T15:56:12.076ZRepeats! A great new feature
Christmas is a time for holly, buns... and repeats! So that's what I'm doing for the next few days. Sorry. This one from 16/12/02.
Some advice for the neighbours immediately opposite
When you have spectacular chaser lights constantly zipping around your property, a flashing, pot-bellied, skating penguin on the front of your house, a stroboscopic angel of death in Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1071828202819793192003-12-19T10:03:00.000Z2003-12-19T13:02:11.840ZBlogmeat
Me: Sarah, it’s minus eight out here at night. My knackers are frozen. Please let me back in. I don’t even know what I’ve done wrong. I was only arranging a blogmeet.
Sarah: Only a blogmeet?
Me: Yeah, with that nice lady from the Guardian competition.
Sarah: Yes, only a bloody blogmeet, at 3 bloody am with Belle de bloody Jour. Just indicate precisely when they've dropped off and Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1071784083660346792003-12-18T21:48:00.000Z2003-12-18T21:50:07.500ZFreelance inevitabilities
When you get made redundant, you will decide to go freelance, you will become desperate for cash, but you will finally get a small break when the local authority asks you to write a piece for their newspaper on a local 90-year-old artist. However, the day before you’re due to interview him, the old bastard will drop dead.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1071654500912649742003-12-17T09:48:00.000Z2003-12-17T09:51:31.700ZAdjust settings accordingly
Wensley Behemoth
Chubley File-Cleansing Services
Dear Sir
I write to you following an instruction on your file-cleansing software that I received in 1998. It read ‘Adjust these settings accordingly. When you are happy, click OK’. Five years on, I am still generally unhappy, but desperate to click OK and move on with my life. I would add that, while sitting at my PC Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1071564134165581172003-12-16T08:42:00.000Z2003-12-16T17:59:22.716ZHow typos could have radically changed our nation
Number 3
E-mail, re: G7 World Peace Summit, Birmingham. 'Janice, I’m leaving it to you to organise the name badgers. Thank you.'
Best-ever Olympics prize imminent
Magnus O'Chimpery is the 97th blogger to blogroll me, while Nugent B Gooseshifter is the 98th. Robinson Funt comes in at number 99. I have been worrying over the prize for the 100th Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1071478497903573822003-12-15T08:54:00.000Z2003-12-15T08:55:48.263ZHow typos could have radically changed our nation
Number 2
We at Barratt Homes are proud to reintroduce a traditional feature of British kitchen design: the futility room.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1071276521468520832003-12-13T00:48:00.000Z2003-12-15T08:56:25.436ZHow typos could have radically changed our nation
A new series on the Olympics.
Number 1
Cub Scousers.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1071188590310597052003-12-12T00:23:00.000Z2003-12-12T17:03:01.623ZSelf-reinventionism inevitabilities
When you are suddenly self-employed and, in desperation, you join an online networking organisation and find yourself besieged by Life Coaches, you will find that these people are, without exception, certified freaks who subscribe to bizarre business sects like Meleleuca and Gei, or Word of the Mind, and that they are, quite possibly, 'strengthsfinders' and 'Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1071137073993143622003-12-11T10:04:00.000Z2003-12-11T23:43:49.390ZGoldfish observations
The first, and last, in a very small new series in which we list things you can safely and legally say to a goldfish. You should know that goldfish have an immensely primitive nervous system.
Number 1
‘You’ve got a nerve'.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1071057862770533152003-12-10T12:04:00.000Z2003-12-10T16:58:47.390ZAudi pub guide
When you walk into a pub in an unfamiliar area, it can be hard to gauge the status of the establishment. However, a clue that warm hospitality may be in short supply could be the taped-off area featuring a chalk outline on the floor of a man in a defensive, foetal position.
Minus four
The 96th blogger to stick me up his blogroll is Fredley B Kwod. For the 100th linker, there willNigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1070966431667628762003-12-09T10:40:00.000Z2003-12-09T11:57:39.170ZThings it's best not to do
When you name your first three children Sam, Hannah and Isobel, you should be careful what you call the fourth one. The immense dignity of the meticulously prepared, 350-year-old family tree will be completely dismembered when you settle on Timothy, a name that creates an appalling acronym.
Troubled past
Best to skim-read this, skip straight to the last paragraph, or,Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1070873712806020172003-12-08T08:55:00.000Z2003-12-08T08:55:55.450ZName in lights
The lady hit by a firework before last weekend’s Wolves v Newcastle Premiership game has spoken for the first time of her astonishment that a firework in a stadium of over 27,000 people could somehow manage to find her. “That firework had my name on it,” said Mrs Angela Howling-Powerbomb.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1070620731847266562003-12-05T10:38:00.000Z2004-01-30T20:00:44.966ZBar-room inevitabilities
In a noisy bar, when your friend asks for a drink seven times and you haven't a clue what the f@#k he said, you will nevertheless stride confidently up to the bar and ask for a pint of Spoof. The foreign-looking barman will stare at you quizzically, but you will muster all the bravado you can, stare him out and repeat the request like he's the world's dumbest mammal. YouNigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1070523875587404652003-12-04T07:44:00.000Z2003-12-04T07:45:14.403ZAdult learning
Forty is an extraordinarily advanced age to learn that envelopes can be sealed just as effectively with plain water as with spit.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1070272462034591142003-12-01T09:54:00.000Z2003-12-01T11:01:38.250ZAutograph inevitabilities
When you go away for the weekend, and you find yourself sharing your hotel with a Premiership football team, and you decide to ask for autographs and pluck up the courage to go over to the team’s breakfast table, have a chat and ask for their signatures, you will fail to recognise the big stars, you will choose the wrong table, and you will walk proudly away with three Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1069836751606462252003-11-26T08:52:00.000Z2003-11-26T10:33:03.030ZLung inevitabilities
When you are married for the first time, and your wife’s mother gets very ill and has a lung removed and, following a visit to her house, she kindly provides you with some meat in a bag to have for tea the next day, on arrival home you will carefully open the bag, then you will scream like a banshee and hurl the entire package with maximum force from the window of your Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1069752982214433692003-11-25T09:36:00.000Z2003-11-25T09:37:35.670ZIdentity inevitabilities
When you have a bin liner full of important bank, building society and insurance-related documents that you are looking for an opportunity to burn, Bonfire Night will come around. You will then place the documents on a convenient fire. It will then rain, though, and, the following day, the unharmed literature will be scattered to the four winds. As a result, your Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1069668865593737062003-11-24T10:14:00.000Z2003-11-24T13:44:14.856ZMore observations from the garden
When you have placed both your daughter’s packed lunch and a load of freshly laid, steaming cat poo in identical supermarket bags in the hall of your home, it is to be much regretted when she selects the wrong bag.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1069593070898563272003-11-23T13:11:00.000Z2003-11-23T13:11:39.483ZCashpoint inevitabilities
When you get a friend to drop you off at a cashpoint in the lashing rain, always try to ensure that he doesn’t move his car while you are getting your cash. Even better, try to ensure that another, almost identical car does not fill the space he has just vacated. When you rush back to the parking bays, semi-blind, with a coat hood covering your eyes, and leap in to the Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1069505866143340562003-11-22T12:57:00.000Z2003-11-22T15:48:41.076ZObservations from the garden
The baking-hot radiator in the hall of your home is an enormously ill-judged location for a bag of fresh cat-litter droppings.
Ninety-something
Bugley Snedge of Youstupidarse.com is something like the 93rd blogger to blogroll me. If you have also linked me, but not been acknowledged or given a preposterous name, please speak up.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1069414767027260532003-11-21T11:39:00.000Z2003-11-21T11:39:53.326ZUndecided
Me: Well played. Fancy a decider?
Ste: What do you mean, 'a decider'? I've thumped you in both sets.
Me: I didn't say what we were deciding.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1069232142111135732003-11-19T08:55:00.000Z2003-11-19T09:03:54.560ZMixed felines
When you’re called into the front street by a distressed little boy who explains that your cat, Edward, has been run over, and you scrape him up into a bin liner and take him to the vet and, in memory of your eight years together, you decide on a £50 pet casket, then you drive home in tears, and walk through the front door, you will be absolutely astonished to see, right there on Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1069148725994967492003-11-18T09:45:00.000Z2003-11-18T09:49:39.140ZThumbs a-twiddle
When you’re a copywriter working from home, the effect of coming up with great ideas for national and international ad campaigns, such as Make yourself Marmighty (Marmite) and Classic lines redrawn (Jaguar X-type), is slightly negated by the fact that you don’t have a contract, retainer or any kind of compensatory working arrangement whatsoever with the ad agencies that service Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1069058373301622352003-11-17T08:39:00.000Z2003-11-17T08:40:48.140ZDental as anything
Working for yourself from home offers a great opportunity to pay attention once more to those small things that you may have let go when chasing the nine to five. Workload permitting, of course. Yes, the four-hour floss is a fine way to begin each new day.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068841979494776942003-11-14T20:32:00.000Z2003-11-14T20:33:19.280ZGuest Blogger :ZedNaming your children.It is not clever to name your child after a brand of raisin, such as Dole, for several reasons that I really needn't go into here, nor is it smart to name your child after a brand of car, such as Lada. Ferrari is equally tacky, whereas Rover at least has class, especially if your child is a dog.When naming your child after celebrities, there are far too Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068798910103359672003-11-14T08:43:00.000Z2003-11-15T04:24:18.856ZTribute Blogger: Robin.
Unforeseen.
When autumn comes and the nights draw in and you have to walk back from the station in the dark because the clocks have been changed even though this probably benefits people in the north of Scotland rather more than you but you won't complain, and when you have to dodge a large three wheeler pram because the pavement simply isn't wide enough for both of youNigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068751076382463412003-11-13T19:17:00.000Z2003-11-13T23:53:56.606ZCurses From Around The World
Guest Blogger: Spengy
Arabic: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits
Indian: Die, may he: Tiger, catch him; Snake bite him; Steep hill, fall down on him; River, flow over him; Wild boar, bite him
Fijian: May you dig up your ancestors by moonlight and make soup of their bones
American: May you be cursed with chronic anxiety about the weather (John Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068736681349513202003-11-13T15:18:00.000Z2003-11-13T17:37:09.013ZGuest Blogger : Zed
Naming your blog
A lot of preparation goes into the first, most important decision about your blog. It has nothing to do with the size and colour of your font, the background colour and actual layout of your blog, but the name of your blog. Like a child, you must remember that everyone will always remember your blog first and foremost by its name and then the drivel that Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068727666214280052003-11-13T12:49:00.000Z2003-11-13T16:04:25.030ZGuest Blogger: Robin.
Order of Events - Last Week’s Solutions.
The correct answers were:
1. The Rise of the Roman Empire > The Fall of the Roman Empire.
2. Kingston > The Kingston bypass.
3. The Difference of Opinion of the Spanish Succession > The War of the Spanish Succession.
4. Night > Day.
5. Famous football club appoints Glenn Hoddle on a vast salary > Famous football club languishes Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068649841181669862003-11-12T15:10:00.000Z2003-11-12T17:11:40.643ZGuest blogger : Zed
Going round the bend
When Mr Graber's toilet got blocked he felt that there was some urgency to get it unblocked once four days had gone by, and so he sought some help.
"How do you unblock a toilet?"
"It's easy, Nigel. Now, have you got a mop with a long handle?"
"No. But I have a coat hanger."
"I really need a mop."
"We don't have one. But I do have a wire coat hanger."Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068648596581229782003-11-12T14:49:00.000Z2003-11-12T14:49:53.516ZGuest blogger: Mark
Cinema Londonmark: 5 Armour of Shanghai Police Rush Story
He jumps, he flips, he dives. He's Jackie Chan, and it's another stunt-heavy, plot-light thrill-o-rama from the master of comedy kung fu. While Jackie's working for the Hong Kong police, that guy from the other martial arts flick stole something really important and Jackie needs to partner up with that black guy Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068639781879355302003-11-12T12:23:00.000Z2003-11-12T17:09:48.363ZNew English Words
Strobe Guggle: Spengy
Fot: The sound made when breaking the paper seal on a Nescafe coffee jar.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068632031681013312003-11-12T10:16:00.000Z2003-11-12T18:09:46.863ZTribute Blogger: Robin.
Classifieds.
Inflatable available for parties etc. Ultimate in children's r&b entertainment.
Beyoncey Castle, £50 p.d.
For Sale.
Remaindered Halloween Toys, inc Teletubbies Special Edition ‘Edgar Allen’ Po.
Trees, as seen. Clearance sale, to enable view of wood.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068561509168033102003-11-11T14:38:00.000Z2003-11-11T14:38:26.396ZGuest blogger: Mark
Cinema Londonmark: 4 A New Empire Menace Hope Strikes Clones
Take one tall guy in a monkey suit, a camp English robot, an annoying floppy-eared klutz, a few guys in cool robes and with even cooler swords with differently-coloured light beams, a short green fella, an evil chap with really bad skin, and some guys in white plastic outfits with ray guns. Add to this some Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068558173919754102003-11-11T13:42:00.000Z2003-11-11T13:42:51.096ZGuest blogger: Mark
Cinema Londonmark: 3 The Gingerbread Pelican Firm Client Brief
See the young lawyer from the wrong side of town work his way through the US legal system, attempting to uncover a secret conspiracy, attempting to preserve his marriage, attempting to resist his beautiful but enigmatic client, attempting to work out who has killed his long-time mentor (who may or may not be Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068556173543700442003-11-11T13:09:00.000Z2003-11-11T13:09:31.216ZAbbreviations
Let Bugs Gorge: Spengy
DINK: Double income; No kids
DIAMONDS: Double income; Awesome mortgage; Offspring; No dough; Sinking
DOA: Deteriorates on approach
DNA: National Dyslexic AssociationNigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068545081338984662003-11-11T10:04:00.000Z2003-11-11T12:18:52.240ZGuest Blogger : Zed
Coathangers
It is always a good idea to make extra storage space in your airing cupboard by adding extra shelves. If this is done correctly and with excellent precision, you can drill through the airing cupboard walls into each bedroom on either side of the airing cupboard, thus providing extra coathangers in each room when the screws follow through the holes.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068504421142496302003-11-10T22:47:00.000Z2003-11-10T22:46:58.536ZJust Chipping in
BOG GREET SLUG: Gordon
Gordonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068484516780353492003-11-10T17:15:00.000Z2003-11-10T17:20:47.770ZGuest blogger: Mark
Cinema Londonmark: 2 The Remains Of Howard's Room With The End
Emma Thompson sighs. Julian Sands paces across the room looking furtive and uneasy. Love, but not love. Oh. Sandwiches are served. Dame Maggie Smith ruminates over a macaroon. Oh. But. A village vicar cycles past. Sir Anthony Hopkins adjusts his tie. Didn't we know all along, but could not speak such words? A Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068483848351507752003-11-10T16:59:00.000Z2003-11-10T22:57:30.200ZGuest Blogger: Robin.
Order of Events.
Place the following musical events or personalities in the only possible order.
1. a) Jimi Hendrix: b) The invention of the electric guitar.
2. a) Stevie Wonder: b) the bigheaded gasguzzling pot-addled git in J*miroquai.
3. a) Lenny Kr*vitz: b) The invention of Jimi Hendrix.
4. a) The Darkness: b) The last thirty years.
5. a) Loads of talentless Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068461153026350582003-11-10T10:45:00.000Z2003-11-10T10:47:39.666ZGuest blogger: Mark
Cinema Londonmark: 1 Four Weddings and a Notting Hill Diary, Actually
It's a heart-warming story of love, loss, love, biscuits, tea, friendship, tea, token Americans, tea and love. Hugh Grant stars as a hopeless Englishman with floppy hair who, despite his charms and floppy hair, finds it hard to find his perfect love who will adore him simply for who he is (and his floppyNigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068460489847948522003-11-10T10:34:00.000Z2003-11-10T10:51:59.880ZGuest blogger : Zed.
Job-hunting.
Mr Graber was looking for work until he got hit on the head by a mountain of freelance work, none of it involving D.I.Y. or having to deal with electricity. These two domaines of employment are best left to the professionals, as all sorts of things can happen.
The simple installation of curtain poles can have you drilling through a cable causing a loud bang, Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068459801284307242003-11-10T10:23:00.000Z2003-11-10T10:23:18.980ZFirst In
Egg Lust or Beg: Spengy
First in for the second week. Grabs the best spot on the comfortable chair. Unpacks sleeping bag, thermos and fire extinguisher.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068384055474306842003-11-09T13:20:00.000Z2003-11-09T13:20:53.246ZThanks
A big, big thanks to Gordon, Spengy, Zoe, Sarah and Robin for their brilliant contributions this week. For the next seven days, Audi Olympics will come to you care of:
Mark (of LondonMark)
Zoe (she's offered to stay on)
Robin (yes, Robin offered too)
...and possibly me. Gordon Snowgoon and Spengy are equally welcome to chip in.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068327704464568072003-11-08T21:41:00.000Z2003-11-08T21:41:42.046ZGuest blogger : ZedAn open letter from Mr Graber.Dear Zebedee,Your posts this week have been of the highest quality. Every morning, when I wake up, the first thing that I have to do, before kissing my lovely wife, Mrs Graber, my children and your e-godson, Tiger Tim, is fire up my laptop and see what you have posted. Your posts make my heart sing and help me face each new day with a spring in Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068299664031096342003-11-08T13:54:00.000Z2003-11-08T13:54:21.470ZD.I.Y.Guest Blogger : ZedWhen laying down a patio, it is always wise to make sure that there isn't any paper stuck to the slabs and even wiser to lay down the slabs the right way up. This will stop you from performing a rain-dance in the hope that there will be a sudden downpour thus loosening the paper stuck on each slab.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068222463182376272003-11-07T16:39:00.000Z2003-11-07T16:49:10.456ZGuest Blogger: Robin.
Question of the Day.
Q. How many Audi Olympics guest blggers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None, because we all figured we'd wait for Nigel to come back and do it because after all it was his place and he'd probably do it better anyway.
Shortly after the motion for inactivity was carried we came under rocket attack and, particularly in view of the reluctance ofNigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068216949513160032003-11-07T14:55:00.000Z2003-11-07T16:50:33.533ZBonfire night, Mr Graber's way.
Guest blogger : Zed
Mr Graber went out to get some medicine for Tiger Tim who wasn't feeling very well, and left the shop with 12 Super Rockets to add to his collection of fireworks for the big night. There were lots of children in the house being doted upon by loving adults whilst Mr Graber made his final preparations in the garden that would have made Mr FawkesNigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068216707709161922003-11-07T14:51:00.000Z2003-11-07T14:54:01.996ZHost blogger: Audi Man
Guest blogging - week #2
Hi, Audi Man here. Remember me? Audi Man just needs to briefly interrupt these excellent people to remind you all that there are two weeks of guest blogging. Interested parties for next week should sign-up in Comments or by e-mail.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068199741650425382003-11-07T10:09:00.000Z2003-11-07T10:54:40.260ZCure for the Cold
Borg Gets Glue: Spengy
Punter: I hab a turrible cold. Could you recommend anyfing barmon?
Barman Spengy: Certainly sir. You should drink three pints of Guinness followed by a pint glass three quarters filled with Lambs dark rum. Then you should immediately go to bed and sleep.
Punter: Will dat cure my cold?
Barman Spengy: It should. When you wake up you won't feel like you Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068122543916212582003-11-06T12:38:00.000Z2003-11-06T18:32:15.420ZGuest Blogger: Robin.
Lost For Words.
I enjoyed Zed's approach to inane questions below. It put me in mind of an incident six years ago.
Not for the first time in my life the practical had just triumphed over the theoretical. I was picking up small pieces of the nearside wing mirror after a gatepost had turned out not to be where I thought it should be when an old lady walked up to me and Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068119981698427262003-11-06T11:59:00.000Z2003-11-06T11:59:39.363ZRemember, remember
TURBO EGG LEGS Gordon.
Despite the warning of the poem, I forgot yesterday was Guy Fawkes.
And anyway, why do we celebrate failing to blow up Parliament?Gordonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068100364698082122003-11-06T06:32:00.000Z2003-11-06T06:32:42.740ZHousework.Guestblogger : ZedI have a busy day ahead as Mr Graber has asked me to dust all of his templates and archives. Mr Graber also mentioned that I should polish the Guardian's quote at the top of the page so that everybody could see it more clearly and stand back in awe at his absolute brilliance.The other instruction was to brush down the rather charred Mrs Graber Snr who has been left Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068085619729780502003-11-06T02:26:00.000Z2003-11-06T02:56:15.903ZCan You Speak A Foreign Language?
Lube Gets Grog: Spengy
Aussie speak:
1. Tail light = Not bright enough to be a headlight = A little dim
2. Couple of kangaroos loose in the top paddock = Couple of snags short of a BBQ = Not all there
3. Rattle your dags = I can't wait all day = Hurry up
4. Don't post when pissed = Don't post when pissed = AustralianNigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068074643720476542003-11-05T23:24:00.000Z2003-11-05T23:24:01.943ZPyromania
Guest: Sarah
Today, Audi Man has been setting fire to the shed and his mother. And I learned how to make a potato pie.
I hope you weren't expecting this to be interesting. Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068044591135785452003-11-05T15:03:00.000Z2003-11-05T15:03:09.670ZPassing PleasantariesFlogging-Guest : ZedWhen asked by a colleague "Oh, Zoe, have you had your hair cut ?" it is not altogether uncommon that the reply will be "No, it shrank when I washed it this morning." I tend to have little to say when asked a stupid question. And the same applies about my children, of which I have 1.1 more than Robin and .9 less than Mr Graber, depending on my youngest's Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1068038293702043522003-11-05T13:18:00.000Z2003-11-05T13:18:12.046ZNew house owner etiquette
BLUE GREG TOGS: Gordon
New people across the road. Who makes the first move? Them? Us? And should the fact that they have a Blofeld-esque cat lounging on the windowsill at the moment put me off going over there?
S.P.E.C.T.R.E. headquarters - relocated in Hamilton?
Great, I just know I'm gonna fumble the introduction now: "Hi, my names Bon... emm I mean, Gordon..."Gordonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1067996735150508502003-11-05T01:45:00.000Z2003-11-05T01:52:45.153ZUseful Advice for Overseas Visitors to London
Globes Tugger: Spengy
As I'm being exposed to a much larger global audience I thought I'd pass on my experiences after nine months of living in London;
1. On the Underground do not be fooled by uniformed beggars who go around asking "Tickets please".
2. Houses of ill repute are indicated by a blue light outside.
3. In this country taxi queuesNigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1067963637377613352003-11-04T16:20:00.000Z2003-11-05T08:57:53.216ZGuest Blogger: Robin.
The hallowed Olympic turf is beginning to feel more familiar beneath my hesitant feet so perhaps now is a good time to share a little more about myself.
Family Man.
I am Robin Preene, husband and father of two (marvellous) chldn aged 10 and 8. Nigel has twice as many and publicly pointed this out to me once in a comment box elsewhere. Did he and Sarah set out deliberatelyNigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1067960374190886192003-11-04T15:39:00.000Z2003-11-04T15:39:32.500ZMissing :Guestblogger : ZedMy mind.This happens quite often and as such there has been no medical research that has proven it to be of any worry. Why I would want to go to work with a clean pair of undies on when I had a spare pair down one of the legs of my jeans is hard to explain. Spare pairs of knickers peaking out at the bottom of your jeans is so 80s, when it was, of course, the hip thingNigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1067941149471091012003-11-04T10:19:00.000Z2003-11-04T12:18:43.530ZMurphy's Law
Begot Slugger: Spengy
Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics: Under pressure things tend to go wrong.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1067937296217212992003-11-04T09:14:00.000Z2003-11-04T11:52:55.390ZJoking Aside
Guest Blogger: Gordon.
Oh yes, Guest Blogging. Ermm...
Hear the one about the Doctor Fish?
Ohhh that's a serious topic. Crap. OK. Time for my favourite joke:
Two lions walking down Oxford Street, one turns to the other and says: "Quiet, ain't it."
Eyethankewe.Gordonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1067872996958177742003-11-03T15:23:00.000Z2003-11-03T22:07:15.260ZEver seen Mr Bean ?
Guestblogger : Zed
It's always extremely useful to have a child who watches too much TV present in the kitchen when you are stuffing the turkey and have both hands up it. They will be sure to ask you if you have taken your watch off.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1067866272168262822003-11-03T13:28:00.000Z2003-11-03T14:14:23.670ZGuest Blogger: Robin.
Rhetorical Questions I Have Enjoyed Recently.
I noticed an intriguing lyric in the latest Sophie Ellis Bextor single. She asks us:
What would you do within my shoes?
There’s only one correct answer Soph and every schoolboy knows it.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1067858467185387962003-11-03T11:21:00.000Z2003-11-03T14:17:21.963ZLast and least
Guest blogger: Spengy
That will teach me to check my Hotmail account more regularly.
Looks around in wonder at all the stuff neatly piled up. Looks at all the other guest bloggers. All the best seats are already taken. Sits on floor. Thinks about running amuck. Thinks better of it. Will save that for the last day before we have to clean up and hand Audi Olympics back to Mr Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1067811023306936092003-11-02T22:10:00.000Z2003-11-02T22:14:27.860ZNot last, but least
Guest blogger: Sarah
How do you do. I am the long-suffering wife of Audi Man, and longer-suffering mother of his children - four at the last count. And believe me, there are so many of them, we do have to count them everywhere we go.
I shall be sharing my thoughts with you throughout this week, but you'll all have to bear with me. I do not share Audi Man's writing skills Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1067804511637876452003-11-02T20:21:00.000Z2003-11-03T22:06:42.946ZIntroducing the real me.
Guest Blogger: Gordon.
OK, let's get one thing straight. My name ain't, and never has been, and unless I get as drunk as I was on Friday night and change my name by deed poll, never will be...
What? No I'm on the PC dear... guesting on the strange blokes site, remember I told you... what's that? What post? Deed poll? ...
Ahem... So... Yes... Anyway...
I've been GordonGordonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1067799084090485542003-11-02T19:01:00.000Z2003-11-03T09:02:34.143ZIntroducing Me.
Guest Blogger: Yourname.
I am Robin Preene, husband and father of two. Thanks to Nigel. Hello to Zed. I hope to be sharing a little more about myself through the week but I don't want to hurry.
World of Sports.
Heard yesterday on Radio 4. Scotland beat Fiji in a nailbiting match. I bet that was hard to follow without binoculars.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1067776566096311122003-11-02T12:36:00.000Z2003-11-02T12:36:04.586ZIntroducing Me.Guest Blogger :ZedThis is all very strange. It's like being in someone else's house when they don't know. Anyway, you'll have to bear with me for the next week as I've been invited to guest-blog. The email was rather strange. I have to refer to the owner of this blog as Mr Graber and words such as Father and Christmas should not be used. Ooops, I've already broken that rule. Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1067687380523844062003-11-01T11:49:00.000Z2003-11-01T13:54:15.570ZSmall ads
Medicurl, I will curl your intestines around your brain, call now for Christmas, Keith, Audiville 22666.
Ford Thrustbuster, 16v, turbo, memory seats, seats just a memory, as is engine, wheels, little sods, free, Audiville 9990.
Next week's bloggers
From midnight tonight, for a whole week, Audi Olympics will be brought to you by:
Gordon Snowgoon of Gordon Snowgoon.
Spengy of British Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1067596875361538262003-10-31T10:41:00.000Z2003-10-31T12:41:01.026ZGuest bloggers
Audi Man didn’t think it would come to this. Audi Man is fast becoming a self-employed copywriter. Right now, writing TAO is costing him time, and time is money. To keep this thing going, he's going to need guest bloggers for the next two weeks, Zoe. If you fancy it, either e-mail me or stick your name in the Comments below.
Basic rules:
1 Five bloggers for each week.
2 No beingNigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1067417563881753542003-10-29T08:52:00.000Z2003-10-29T11:53:24.886ZRedundancy parting shot
Cut to an empty office. For the first time ever, Audi Man is last to leave. As he prepares to walk out into the bleak twilight and meet the rest of his life, he surveys the scene. Every phone is off its cradle. In unison, they are saying, in a broad Australian accent, 'At the third stroke...'.
Anyone got anything better?Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1067331630076444472003-10-28T09:00:00.000Z2003-10-28T15:08:28.903ZFootball history
Not many people realise that the English Football Association has been around a long time. Here are some of the founder members of the Football League:
Preston North End. Ground: Deepdale. Founded: 1881
Sheffield Wednesday. Ground: Hillsborough. Founded: 1867
Total Network Solutions. Ground: Semiconductor Valley. Founded: 1862.
Prize for 100th link?
With my 90th and 91st Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1067253971061674392003-10-27T11:26:00.000Z2003-10-27T15:14:18.070ZDenial
Me: Giannakopoulos’ equaliser was fantastic on Saturday, wasn’t it?
Wife: For the eighth time, it was disallowed. Offside.
Me: Overhead kick. Athleticism. Mmmm. A hard-earned draw. I’m so pleased we paid off our huge mortgage. Your mother whiffs like a herd of dipped oxen. Dependent children? What dependent children?
Wife: Don’t be stupid.
Me: Debt-free at last. It is an honour to lead Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1066978615082853512003-10-24T06:56:00.000Z2003-10-28T00:34:10.966ZPointless, empty threats made to editors before their impending redundancy
A new series in which we highlight completely pointless threats made to disillusioned young editors in the North West of England at the point of being made redundant. 'These redundancies are, of course, completely confidential. If you breathe a word to the press, it will, of course, be considered a disciplinary offence.' Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1066892716937313912003-10-23T07:05:00.000Z2003-10-23T07:05:17.030ZIt’s over
On a blustery autumn Sunday back in October 1981, Audi Man, who wasn’t called Audi Man then, felt the lonely, gutwrenching ache that is rejection by your first serious girlfriend. He didn’t think such a horrid feeling existed in any other sphere. He was wrong. It exists when the Vice-President (Editorial) of your company tells you that your almost-immediate redundancy comes with only Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1066823427770380062003-10-22T11:50:00.000Z2003-10-22T14:19:37.510ZSport short
Audi Man is hoping England can rack up a cricket score against Bangladesh today.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1066639474483210522003-10-20T08:44:00.000Z2003-10-20T09:01:10.380ZUnder-represented
Rugby or football? I’m leaning towards rugby right now. Why? Well, I find that only 11 men is a particularly dismal turn-out for an international soccer match of huge significance.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1066472539662551392003-10-18T10:22:00.000Z2003-10-18T10:25:03.673ZPets & livestock
Exciting crossbred puppy, 'cobrador', loves children and small mammals. "If I was going to buy a really terrifying predator, this is the one I'd elect for" - John Major.Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3455655.post-1066382985053980702003-10-17T09:29:00.000Z2003-10-17T15:01:39.406ZGovernment denies dumbing-down school exams
The Government was last night denying that school exams had been 'dumbed-down'. All pupils passed everything with an A*, and a Mrs Eczema, 62, of Torquay, who is medically stupid, even got a large A** wrapped in gold foil and delivered by Postalfarce. A Mr Butterball of Preston gained seven when he bought the wrong brand of bleach, and a man from St Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00467569247015073749noreply@blogger.com